Everyone’s favorite subject

Hello, again. Today, I’m writing about everyone’s favorite subject: relationships. There’s all that gooey PDA going on out there. : )

But that’s not the subtopic that I’ll be addressing today. Today, I’ll be talking about everyone’s least favorite subject: break ups.

There are a few simple rules to ending a relationship:

-when you break up over the phone, it means you’re a pansie or unable to talk to the person (as in, they’re on the other side of the planet, etc.)

-when you break up with a person, you don’t get to make them feel better. You just forfieted that right. If someone stabs your hand, are you going to let them gause it up for you? NO! You are going to run like hell from said person and you’re not going to want to see that person for a long time, and even then, you don’t want to see them if they have any cutlery.

-when you break up, give the other person at least a month to stop hating you before you try and contact them. Every time you text, e-mail, etc. the person, you’re pouring vingegar onto an open wound. If you don’t think it’s hurts, I’d be glad to demonstrate on you to prove my point. If they ever want to talk to you, they will contact you.

-at least have a good reason for dumping the person. “I found someone hotter than you” does not count.

-talk to the person before ending it. Tell them what bugs you. Hold a conversation. I know it’s hard to speak words. Get over it.

And most importantly, don’t be a jerk about it, especially if your new ex is female. There’s this saying: Girls don’t get even. They don’t get revenge. You will never see the truck that hit you.

Girls get all their friends to hate you, form lych mobs, plot your demise, and ultimately have a 12 or less step plan to ruin your life and chances of ever getting another girl ever again. You are placing your future in the hands of a distraught female. If you’re a jerk, you’re more likely to suffer the fate of that plan.